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Swan: (holding up a detached finger) Is this yours?
Swan: Are you sure? It's scorching hot.
(Twin thinks. Twin extracts a stack of 3" x 5" index cards from own pants pocket. Twin adeptly leafs through each card in the stack for three and five-quarter minutes. Twin arrives at a card and gasps.)
Twin: It's not a finger after all! It's a swan from Saturn! That's what they look like.
Swan: A swan? Can it be? I have waited my whole life to fall in love. But... why is it so hot?
(Twin wonders. Twin resumes flipping through his stack of index cards. For one-half minutes. Upon encountering the final card, Twin once again exhibits great shock and bewilderment.)
Twin: Our Saturnian swan is not hot in the least! It's applauding! That is part of its peculiar nature.
Swan: And you're sure it's not just a dismembered finger which has, until now, been basking in extreme sunlight?
(Twin tucks the deck of cards back into his pocket. The swan--along with any audience members seated nearest the actors--immediately notes the embroidered letters on Twin's pocket which read: Interstellar Swan Knowledge Banks (A Temporary Housing Facility).)
Twin: You see, the rest of Dr. Starr's assets are tied up in probate.
Swan: What luck.
by why the lucky stiff
june 9, 2005