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The Jump Wanter

After watching The Absent-Minded Professor, this kid named Esel Striff wanted his own bouncing shoes. He was a bright kid, so he invented a pair of shoes that could leap twelve solid feet into the air.

His calculations were, sadly, very completely wrong. And when he went to try the shoes out, he found that he had not invented jumping shoes; but, instead, he had invented shoes which rumbled and popped, before transforming his legs into the thick, hairy legs of a Clydesdale horse.

His legs were beautiful and most professional equestrians considered his legs to be "show quality." One horse enthusiast, Liberty Shale, was intensely attracted to him, and pursued him shamelessly, having wanted a real centaur for herself since purchasing a pewter figurine (equipped with hair beads and a powderhorn) at the tender age of 25.

This, along with the cloud of flies continually harvesting the mucus from his eyes, put tremendous strain on Esel's psyche. He soon felt the only answer was to invent a complete set of bouncing horseshoes. (Yes, after a viewing of The Absent-Minded Professor.)

And that's why, to this day, you can spot a centaur with a lab coat, wandering the countryside with Korean food spontaneously spewing from his hooves. Esel Striff, ladies and gentlemen.

by why the lucky stiff

march 24, 2005